Lately I've been struggling. I've been struggling with my blog; with my photography. I feel that I'm not good enough.

A few days ago, I lost three followers. I know I shouldn't focus on numbers, but it makes me wonder why people decided to stop reading my blog. Even though I don't want it to, it hurts.
Mourning over my lost followers triggered some other thoughts - I'm tired of almost always writing about me. I'm tired of being a narcissist. (And see, here I go again. I just started this post and I'm already talking about myself.) From now on, I'm going to try to post more about other things. Silly things my siblings do, tips on various things, etc. I've already had a request for a room tour, so I'll get around to doing that soon - once I clean my room ;)

I've also been thinking about the name of my blog. Pastor's Girl's Ponderings. I liked it when I first started my blog back in 2006 (aka the time period no one read what I had to say. And I don't blame them.), but now...I don't know. I don't even blog about being a pastor's daughter.
I've been toying with the idea of changing it. One name that I came up with recently is "Cerulean". Or "The Cerulean Crayon", perhaps.
When I was younger, my absolute favorite crayon in the box was a lovely shade of teal called "cerulean". I loved that color to death. It was always the most used crayon in the pack - I used it to color everything. And just like I used that crayon to color everything, this blog is pretty much about everything. It ties in quite nicely, I think.
If I would change my blog name to "Cerulean" or something close to that (Got any other variations?), I'm afraid I would lose readers. I suppose people have sort of "attached" my name to my blog name. I would of course redirect it, so if someone clicked on "Pastor's Girl's Ponderings", they would be switched to "Cerulean". But there's still always that risk. What do you think? Is it worth it to do it now, before I get more readers? Or should I just leave my title as it is?

As for photography - this is where I've been struggling more. I feel my photographs aren't so great. I see so many beautiful photos taken by other photographers, and yearn to be able to capture beauty like they do. How did she get such great bokeh, I want that lens, oh I wish I could have shot at that location, the list goes on and on. I feel so inadequate regarding my photography. I'm constantly comparing my pictures to others'.

I've had so many readers tell me that I'm talented. And it may be true that the photos they were referring to weren't half bad, but I don't exactly believe that I'm really, truly talented. Sure, I've improved my picture-taking skills in the past few months, but I'm still so insecure. I still have so much to learn. I know I'll get there in time; I'm still young. But in these months, maybe even years, in between, it's hard. Very hard.

And now, I'm ending this post with one of my favorite photos...

I realize I've posted this before, but I still love it. I snapped it on the way back from Texas.


PS I'm sorry to kind of dump y'all with this...but it's something that I just wanted to get out - and maybe get some advice in the process. Thank you for bearing with me :) I promise I'll get back to my normal posts after this.