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to be content



I fell asleep this afternoon in the way afternoon naps always happen: quietly and suddenly. You start off innocently enough by reading a book, but then your eyes grow heavy and your head grows tired until suddenly you find that you've gone from sitting up to laying down (with your eyes shut), succumbing to the drowsiness.
Deeply I slept, the kind of sleep that is filled with an almost tangible peacefulness but void of dreams. When I woke, a thin gauze of clouds shifted the light from golden to gray; the most profound, quiet peacefulness came over me.
In that moment, I was content. I may never have the life I envision, but I still want to be satisfied by it.
I read Hannah Coulter by Wendell Berry a few weeks ago; he is the master of chronicling the kind of contentedness I hope for. The lives his characters lead are very hard but there is still an aura of contentedness. No, aura is the wrong word--it's such a strong sense, a feeling so palpable you can't help but want the same.
That's what I want in my life: the ability to be content despite hardships. Especially now, when life isn't exactly hard but it isn't exactly easy either, contentedness is what I need the most.

I'm back to blogging for now, with a spruced up design and some new/updated content that I hope you'll enjoy.