why do these things have to happen?

I don't even know how to start this. I've been sitting here for the past hour, typing and erasing, typing and erasing. This is so incredibly hard and I don't know how to adequately put it into words.

You may remember when I asked you to pray for our family's close friend, who had lymphoma (I'm not going to release his name on account of privacy reasons).

He passed away yesterday afternoon.

When I first heard the news that he had been diagnosed with lymphoma, I of course was crushed, but I didn't think death would follow so quickly. I thought for sure I would be able to see him at least once more. My dad talked with our friend's brother this past Thursday - who felt that he [our friend] would pull through. A few days after that conversation, he had a heart attack. Even though he survived it, it depleted him of what little strength he had left in his body, which quickly led to his passing yesterday.

My heart is hurting so badly. He was so close to our family. Over this past New Years, he stayed with us for a few days (he lived in our hometown in Texas). It was like old times. He and my dad laughing, joking. Teasing me and my siblings. And now? He's gone. Just like that. When I cheerfully waved goodbye to him at the airport I never in a million years would have thought that was the last time I'd ever see him.

This is only the second time someone close to me has died. Call me naive, call me young, but the pain of someone dying is not a feeling I'm accustomed to. I'm not used to this type of hurt.

After hearing the news that he had slipped away from this earthly world, the first thought that came to my mind was "Why?". Why do these things have to happen? I know God has a plan. I know that he let this happened for a reason - but it doesn't make it any easier.

I apologize that this post is so melancholy...but life isn't full of only smiles and laughter. It's full of tears, of heartache as well. I try to focus on the positive things in life, but when things like this happen...sigh.

Please keep his family in your prayers - I know it would mean so much to them. Thank you.


PS We've decided that we're going down to Texas for his funeral (which my dad will be preforming, as he's a pastor). I feel horrible about how I'm reacting to this trip. I'm excited to go down, but I don't want to be excited. I should be sad. After all, the reason we're going to Texas is because of someone's death. So why am I excited? I don't know. And I'm beating myself up about it. 

I will try my best, but if I don't post this week, that's why. This is all so unexpected and I don't know if I'm going to be able to find the time. I hope you understand.