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the future

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Being a teenager is wrought with uncertainty, decisions, frustrations, and some of the best times of your life. But there are also some of the hardest times. How I can, having seen so little of life, be able to choose a career? Find a college? Know what I want to do with my life? Sometimes I want to give up. I feel in adequate and not ready. All this scares me, honestly. Wouldn't it just be easier to go back to elementary school, where college was just a distant unknown and the present delightfully simple?

I've always looked forward to being a "grown up", being able to do whatever I want to do and not having to be dictated by what a superior tells me. But now? Now that I'm so close to the age I longed to be all those years ago? I cower. I hide in the corner, I turn a blind eye, I pretend that it's too far in the future to worry about. But it's still there. Lurking. A source of excitement and something that scares me to death at the same time. It's part of growing up, I know, but that doesn't lessen the anxiety.


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I wrote a new looking forward list last night. The list I'd written in early September helped me get through fall -- and even made me grow to adore it. And since I'm kind of dreading winter, and to help me see that the future isn't always bad, I wrote another one.
....
looking forward / winter 

thanksgiving, christmas, and the breaks that accompany both
getting a christmas tree + christmas music 
midnight candlelight christmas eve service (I really love christmas, can you tell?)
fires + hot chocolate + hot apple cider + letter writing
the first snow
a trip with my dad to canada (more on that soon)
starbucks dates
....

Winter isn't looking so bad after all. And when it comes to the not so great part of being this age...I know I can get through it with the help of Christ.

What are you looking forward to?

Happy Monday!

xo