things like these
When I was younger, I thought life would always go on the same, a strong rock of routine and comforting sameness. It hasn't, though.
There is still routine and normalcy, but it's not the kind that made up my childhood. Now, as I'm growing older, I have to know that trips to Germany and days spent bicycling through the countryside and leisurely breakfasts that last until one in the afternoon aren't always going to be a part of my life. There will be moments that come close to the ones of now, in flashes of deja vu, but it won't be the same, because time marches on and the past must be released. And as I sit here in my grandparent's kitchen, the one where so many meals and laughter and bonding have been shared, I desperately try to cling to and memorize what makes this special.
Things like spending an evening at the ranch feeding the animals and reminiscing in that old camper that's still sitting there after all those years.
Things like teaching Lilly to bicycle on that little strip of asphalt in front of the house, my lungs burning from breathing hard the chilled air.
Things like walking through the town square for the first time in two years and quickly eating ice cream, trying to finish it before it melts but savoring each bite at the same time and, despite my best efforts, still getting brainfreeze.
Things like ignoring the ever-present pressing need to be doing something and just sitting and talking, content in stillness and being with family.
Things like, after rainrainrain and cloudscloudsclouds, seeing the sun parting the clouds, spilling light everywhere and thinking it's all going to be okay, even if just for a little while. (i'm still really ready for the sun to come out all day, though)
Things like running my hand over all the little treasures stored up on windowsills and cabinets, breathing in their scent and studying the tiny details.
Things like the luxury of actually getting to spend time with grandparents, just me and them.
And things like realizing what makes it all special and being able to be thankful with it, and also, realizing it's already 1:52pm and I've wasted far too much time at this screen. Powering down and going to go make some more memories.